Link of the Rings
by iristigerlily
Summary: Link wants to be sent back in time, but Zelda doesn't want him to... She "accidently" sends hime somewhere else. Thought up on a long and boring car trip. Really weird. R&R please!
1. Chapter One

**::Chapter One::**

**A/N: **Just a quick note... this is my first story up on FF.n. Please be nice! This was thought up by me and my brother. I will update, but probebl not regularly. I'm gonna put up three chappies to begin with.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Zelda. If it ever goes up for sale, I put dibs on Linky-poo!

Enjoy!

* * *

"Send me back Zelda."

"What?!"

"Seven years of my life have been wasted. I want them back."

"Why are you doing this?!" Zelda shrieked.

"Zelda, I'll always be with you, in your heart."

"But I'll never see you again!" She was sobbing now.

"I know. This is hard for me too, but I need to do this."

"If you really want to..." she fought back further tears.

"I do."

She sighed. "I will do it then."

Link's face broke into a grin. "I'll go get ready."

Zelda smiled at him as he walked out of her room. When he was gone, however, she ran to her bed, buried her face in her pillow and cried. She cried and cried until her pillow was wet with tears. She didn't care. She wanted Link to stay. She wanted him to love her in the way she loved him. She wanted to marry him and grow old together.

She had been far too nervous to ask him to be her boyfriend before, and now he was leaving. She had missed her chance.

She wiped her tears from her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. Why was he doing this? Didn't he like her?

_He needs his life back._ She thought._ It was taken away from him- for seven years. He needs to do this. _She pulled the Ocarina of Time from her chest of draws (Link had given it back to her after the Imprisoning War) and walked down to the palace gardens.

She went to her favorite place. It was where she had first met Link. She held the ocarina to her heart and hummed her lullaby. It always seemed to calm her.

Her eyes opened like springs. She knew now. She would punish Link for trying to leave. She grinned evilly at her new plan.

_Only for a while._ She thought to herself.

She picked up her skirts and walked back to the castle...

* * *

Please review now...


	2. Chapter Two

**::Chapter Two::**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Link, but I do own this really weird storyline. Yay!

* * *

Link was waiting for her. "Can you send Epona back too?" he asked.

Zelda bit her lip. This would make poor Epona suffer for nothing. She could just say 'no, it's beyond my power'... _No_. She thought firmly._ I'm a sage- sages never lie._

"Yes. If you wish it."

Link grinned."Good. How do you do it?"

"I will in a minute. I want you to go with this. She handed him an envelope. Link went to open it.

"No!" Zelda said. "Wait 'till you're a child again."

"Uhm. Okay."

"Good. I also want to you to remember this;

_It is something that grows over time_

_A true friendship_

_A feeling in the heart that becomes_

_Even stronger over time_

_The passion of friendship will_

_Soon blossom into a righteous power_

_And through it_

_You will know which way to go"_

Link grinned again. "How could I forget that?"

Zelda nodded sadly. "I will always remember you Link."

Link nodded sadly too. He stood still, as if thinking. He then embraced Zelda in a tight hug. "I'll miss you."

After Zelda had gotten over the initial shock of being hugged by the man she had a super-major-crush on ever since she met him, she whispered. "It's not too late to change your mind, you know."

"I know. But I need to do this. Thank-you Zelda."

"For what?"

"Being my friend. Through all the war."

"That's okay." Zelda said, _I bet you'll be eating those words by the end of the day._ She added in her mind.

Link stepped back. "Okay Zel. Send me back."

Zelda smiled in a scheming way. "Okay."

She bought out the ocarina. She bought it to her lips and started to play. The Song of Time echoed through the palace gardens. Link closed his eyes, whilst holding Epona's reins. A blue light started to envelope the man and horse, but suddenly, Zelda added in a note. Just one note.

The blue light changed to green. Link opened his eyes. "Zel..." he started, but didn't get to finish before he and Epona disappeared in a flash of light.

Zelda grinned at the success of her plan and walked back into the palace, quite pleased with herself.

* * *

Zelda's being a bit of a cow...

R&R Please!


	3. Chapter Three

**::Chapter Three::**

**Disclaimer:** See below...

* * *

Link was dropped to the ground with a thud. He looked around. It was bucketing rain. He couldn't see much.

Epona was right beside him, she seemed okay. She started to scuff her hoof on the ground like she always did.

Link stood up. He was soused in rain. He picked up his shield and sword. He looked at the sky. It seemed to be about four in the morning.

He rubbed his head. "Where the Dark Realm am I?!"

He walked over to Epona. He mounted the rustic mare and they galloped off.

The rain had stopped, and Link could see. It was about nine o'clock a.m. and he could see some form of a settlement up ahead.

"Thank Farore." he said.

He galloped into the stone courtyard. He looked around. He had never seen anything so pretty. "Wow." he whispered.

"Ya narlyë?" came a voice.

Link looked in the direction the voice came from. "Huh?" he asked.

The person stared at him. It was a woman, but her ears were _far_ less pointy than his. Why, they didn't even stick far out of her hair!

"Who are you?" Link asked. The woman was beautiful- no doubt about that.

"Lapsë." the woman replied.

"I'm Link... uhm... can you please point me in the direction of the leader here."

The woman pointed up to one of the buildings.

"Your accent is strange to me." she said, now speaking the common tongue. "Where do you come from?"

"Uhhh... Kokiri Forest... or Hyrule... whatever."

The lady looked at Link quizzically.

"Never mind." Link said as he ran up some steps.

"...Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate-- this one doom. Bring forth the ring, Frodo."

Link could hear the amazed whispering of people. _Why are they so amazed about a ring...? Hang on... **Middle Earth**?!?!?! Where the Dark Realm is **that**?!?!?! _Link thought.

His thought were broken when a man quite close to his hiding/eavesdropping spot whispered. He sunk further back into the foliage.

"So it is true..."

"The Doom of Men." someone whispered on the other side of Link.

"It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Mordor! Why not use this ring?"

Link was confused now. _What in Hyrule are they talking about?! Oh well. Better stay still and listen._

The man continued; "Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept the forces of Mordor at bay - by the blood of our people-- all your lands kept safe! Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!"

"You cannot wield it! None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master." Another man spoke now, from across the balcony.

_Who's Sauron? Is Ganondorf here and going by a different name?_

"And what would a ranger know of this matter?" the first man said with a tone of contempt in his voice.

Another man stood up. "This is no mere ranger." he said defencivly. "He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."

"Aragorn? This... is Isildur's heir?"

_Who in Hyrule is Arathorn?!?! _

"And heir to the throne of Gondor."

_Where the heck is Gondor?!?! _

"Havo dad Legolas"

_What does 'Havo dad' mean?!? Where in Hyrule am I?!? Am I even **in** Hyrule?_

"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king." the first man returned to his seat.

_Well, it aint much of a country if it doesn't have a king is it?_ Link thought sarcastically

"Aragorn is right. We cannot use it." Some poncy old git was speaking now.

"You have only one choice. The ring must be destroyed." That was the man with funny eyebrows that had Link had heard first.

"What are we waiting for?" A person who had so much facial hair it wasn't funny stood up and grabbed an axe.

"ARGH!!!!" He struck his axe down to the center table, but it was repelled back by something Link couldn't see, and Facial-Hair was thrown back across the balcony. His axe was shattered.

_Sucker_.

"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin by any craft that we here possess."

_Huh?_

Eyebrows continued; "The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came."

"One of _you_ must do this."

There was dead silence from the people.

Link thought like screaming; _Why don't you, Eyebrows?! You seem to know so much!_

"One does not simply walk to Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs."

_What's an orc? _

"There is evil there that does not sleep."

_Sounds like Ganondorf._

"And the great Eye is ever watchful."

_What eye?_

"It is a barren wasteland..."

_Sounds like the Haunted Wasteland._

"...riddled with fire and ash and dust..."

_Or not._

"...the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!"

"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The ring must be destroyed!"

_I got the hint, man._

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?!"

_Well, obviously he does, Facial-Hair. _

And if we fail, what then?! What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?!"

_Talk about a pessimist! _

"I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an elf!"

_What's an elf? I heard the Kokiri being called that once... _

Link's thoughts were broken when all of the people stood up and started to argue. He shook his head in disgust.

"Never trust an elf!" Facial-Hair yelled over everyone else.

_Git._

"Do you not understand that while we bicker among ourselves, Sauron's power grows?! None can escape it!"

_Thanks for that, Poncy Old Git._

"I will take it! I will take it!"

_Who's **this** now?!_

The argument faded away. Everyone turned to see who had spoken.

"I will take the ring to Mordor. Though-- I do not know the way."

_Well, that might be _one_ fly in the ointment... _

"I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, so long as it is yours to bear."

"If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will. You have my sword."

"And you have my bow."

"And my axe!"

_What? Is this guy some pickpocketer who steals weapons? _

"You carry the fates of us all little one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done."

_Up comes this 'Gondor' again... _

"Heh! Mr. Frodo is not goin' anywhere without me!"

_Woah! This guy was like, right next to me the whole time!! Hang on... how **fat** is this dude?!?!_

"No indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not."

_Ah. Secret council. _

"Wait! We're coming too!"

_More short people... what do these people eat anyway? _

"You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!"

_That can be arranged... _

"Anyway you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission, quest... thing."

"Well that rules you out Pip."

_My thoughts exactly. _

"Nine companions... So be it!" said eyebrows, "You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!"

"Great! Where are we going?"

_Read my mind, short dude._

Link suddenly felt rough hands grab him. He gulped.

_Oops._

He was bought out of the bushes.

"Lord Elrond! We've caught a spy!"

Eyebrows turned around. "Ya eremandu narlyë?!"

"Hang on!" Link cried, "Who the _heck_ is this 'Sauron'?"

He looked around at the council. There were nine people standing up, including Mr. Outspoken (Boromir), Facial-Hair (Gimli), Poncy Old Git (Gandalf), Mr. No-Bath [Heck, Link could smell him from where _he_ was – across the other side of the balcony _and_ amongst the flowers] (Aragorn), the two shorties (Merry and Pippin), Fatso (Sam), Nancy-Pants (Legolas) and the Little-Fly-In-The-Ointment dude (Frodo).

The whole council was silent as they looked at the 'spy'.

"By Elbereth..." Mr. Outspoken whispered. All the elves cringed as the name was used in vain. "Who in the Dark Realm wears clothes like _that_?!"

Nancy-Pants flicked his hair. "Oh, I dunno, I kinda like it..."

"Shuddup Mr Elf Sir," Fatso said. "He could be dangerous. See his shield, they aren't elvish markings, I'll wager."

"Well done Sam." Little-Fly-In-The-Ointment dude said. "They aren't. Where do you come from?"

"Hyrule!!! If it makes any difference to you, I come from Hyrule!!! I don't know where I am, I suppose this could be some place like Termina or Labrynna I'm always hearing about, but I was sent here by Zelda, and I just wanna go home!!!!!!" Link wailed.

There was stunned silence.

"Uhm. Okay." Eyebrows said.

"Where is this?"

"Rivendell. You should know that, Sauron would've told you." Fatso scowled at him.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm no %#$$ agent of this %#$$ Sauron!!! I'm lost and I need help!!!"

"I could've told you that." Mr. Outspoken lived up to his name... again. "Are you a cross-dresser or something? I haven't met many people who wear dresses before..."

"Get it through your thick skull, Mr. Outspoken!! This is a TUNIC. TU – NIC. Got it?!"

Eyebrows was rubbing his temple and saying mild curses in elvish.

One of the people who grabbed him attempted to take his sword.

"Oi! Hands _off_ the merchandise!!"

"Auta miqula yrch." the elf whispered.

"Good for you, Apple-Pie." Link said sarcastically.

"Who are you then?" Poncy Old Git asked.

"My name is Link."

"Just Link?"

"Yeah. Kokiri don't have last names as far as I am aware of."

"What's a Kokiri?" one of he short ones asked.

"A Child of the Forest."

"Do you come from Mirkwood?"

"No! Kokiri Forest!"

"Where's Kokiri Forest?"

"Hyrule."

"Where's Hyrule?"

"In Hyrule."

"It's imploded?!" Mr. No-Bath said, rather worried.

"No! The _land_ of Hyrule is in the _world_ of Hyrule!"

"But where's Hyrule?"

"I don't know."

"You must know, you came from there."

"But I don't know where it is from here."

"Why?"

"Because I was supposed to be sent back in time to before the Imprisoning War by Zelda, but she made a mistake and I was sent here, but Sagas don't make mistakes so she must have sent me here on purpose, the $%#!!!!"

Everyone seemed rather taken aback by this sudden outburst.

"Uhm. Okay." Eyebrows said.

"Can you help me?" Link could tell Mr. Outspoken was fighting the urge to say something like; _No, and I don't think anyone can._

"No. But maybe the lady Galadriel can." All the elves nodded in agreement and reverence.

"Who?"

"She is the fair lady who dwells in fair Lothlórien."

"Uhm. Good for her." Link said.

"I come from there." a voice came from outside the council area.

"Haldir, how many eavesdroppers must we have today?" Eyebrows said as another elf walked onto the balcony.

"I just heard the fair name of Lothlórien and I wondered... Woah! Where did you get the skirt?" Haldir said, laughing.

"Can't anyone understand?!?!?! This is a $#% TUNIC. TU – NIC. Got it?!" Link then turned to Haldir. "What?" he asked because Haldir was staring at him in the weirdest way. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Dolle naa lost" Haldir shook his head in disgust at Link's choice of language.

"Eru have mercy." Eyebrows rubbed his temples again.

"Who's Eru?" Link asked.

Eyebrows looked up. "Eru is the Creator. The Maker. The First and the Last."

"Why are you asking her to help you? As far as I'm concerned, Din, Nayru or even my goddess mother, Farore couldn't give a..."

The elves stopped their ears as Link let fly some more cusses.

"...about me."

"Eru is a male." Eyebrows looked at Link sarcastically.

"Whatever. How do I get to this Galadriel lady?"

"Well, you could go with Haldir, when he leaves..."

Haldir turned purple as he chocked on his own spit. Link wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of traveling with Haldir either.

"...or you could go with the Fellowship."

"Yeah. They'll do."

Frodo started to bang his head on the nearest wall.

"Hey man, I'm not thrilled at having to travel with," he pointed at the four hobbits, "People who look like mutated versions of the Kokiri," Then at Legolas, "Or tall versions of the Kokiri," Aragorn and Boromir, "People who **_never_** seem to take baths and," Gandalf and Gimli, "Someone who must go through five bottles of shampoo in one sitting."

All the Fellowship looked at Link in distain.

_This is going to be a **really** long journey._ Link thought.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Zelda or Lord of the Rings. Wish I did though... The creator of this WONDERFUL game is v. nice to let us fool around in his world. Also, I wonder what Tolkien would think if he knew I was screwing up his world like this...? He's probebly rolling in his grave. Poor guy. Also, I borrowed the script from a site called "Ash on my Tomato". It belongs to New Line Cinema and blah blah blah... 

R&R Please!


	4. Chapter Four

**::Chapter Four::**

**A/N: **Just a quick note; Thank-you so much to all of my reviewers!! I _never_ expected anyone to like it. Just me getting a very random idea in the car. Here's some thanks:

Kafei of Clock Town: Thanks, and I'll try to update regularly. School, however, has other ideas.

Lizai: I won't ask then. Thank you for your review though!

Card-Captor: looks at review jaw drops Omigoodness! Thank you!

Irukapooka: Glad to see you like it!

**Any**way, on with the story... hang on, before I forget:

I do not own (although I sometimes pretend to) The Legend of Zelda- the Master Gamer Shigeru Miyamoto does.

* * *

Link was walking around Rivendell and enjoying the sights. The waterfall... the buildings... the women...

Suddenly, he heard a voice come from a room nearby. None of the Rivendell rooms had full walls, so he could hear pretty well.

"My old sword, Sting! Here! Take it, take it!"

The sound of metal scraping made Link cringe.

"It's so light."

_Oh. Mr. Little-Fly-In-The-Ointment dude. What was his name...?_

"Yes... yea--made by the elves you know. The blade glows blue when orcs are close. And its times like that my lad, when you'll have to be extra careful! Here's a pretty thing --Mithril! As light as a feather! And as hard as dragon scales! Let me see you put it on. Go on."

At the sound of the word 'dragon', Link perked up. Maybe there was dragons here after all! He had really liked kicking Volvagia's butt that time...

"Oh...M-my old ring! Oh well... I sh-sh-should very much like, to hold it again, one last time."

_This guy's stuttering is **really** starting to tick me off._ Link thought. _Hang on! The ring, **again**??_

Link was startled by a 'gnaaa!!!' sound from the room. Then heavy breathing. Then a man weeping.

_Whoosie nancy._

"I'm sorry I brought this upon you my boy... I'm sorry that you must carry this burden. I'm sorry for everything!"

_Right... That was weird..._

* * *

Elrond gave an emotional farewell to the Fellowship. "May the blessing of elves, and men, and all free folk go with you."

Link rolled his eyes.

"The Fellowship awaits the Ringbearer." Gandalf (as Link had found his name was) said, looking at Frodo (another name Link had learnt).

Frodo seemed to take a last, longing glance at Rivendell before finally turning around and walking out the stone gate.

Link's large Hylian ears (that are able to hear the goddesses) picked up Frodo whispering; "Mordor Gandalf, is it left or right?"

Then Gandalf replied; "Left."

Link rolled his eyes Great. They were being led by some whoosie who didn't know basic geography.

He was still standing still, as the Mr. No-Bath had decided to say an emotional farewell to his girlfriend. Link looked at him sardonically.

Mr. No-Bath hurried up when Link gave him a kick up his butt with his re-inforced toed Kokiri Boots.

* * *

"We must hold this course west from the Misty Mountains for forty days. If our luck holds the Gap of Rohan will still be open to us. From there our road turns east to Mordor."

_Forty bloomin' days??? _

* * *

Link looked around. Boromir was teaching Merry and Pippin how to sword fight. Now, giving one of those short people a sharpened blade just wasn't a good idea...

"Two, Three, Four, Five. Good, very good." Boromir counted.

"Move your feet." Aragorn said, whilst puffing his pipe.

_Practice what you preach, you loser._ Link thought with an inward scowl.

"That's good, Pippin." Merry complimented his friend. Link was finding it hard to distinguish between the two things.

"Thanks."

"Faster." Boromir said, speeding the 'things' up.

_Oh, **heck** no!_ Link thought. _I can't tell which one's which as it is!_

He was distracted as the dwarf was winging. Again.

"...Anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I know they're not, I'd say we were taking the long way round. Gandalf, we could pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin Balin would give us a royal welcome."

_That's why we **don't **ask you._

"No Gimli," Gandalf said "I would not take the roads to Moria unless I had no other choice."

The Nancy Pants was on watch. He was constantly trying to better Link at everything. Archery, clothing, hair styles, sword training (Link really had the upper hand on _that_ one) and the like. Or so Link thought.

"Come on. Good." the clinks of metal against metal could be heard in the background. That suddenly turned to metal hitting flesh. A mortal's ears couldn't have picked it up, but Link, with is super-sensitive-Hylian-ears, did.

"Ow." he muttered, not even looking over.

"Aaaah!" came a cry from one of the 'things'.

"Sorry!" Boromir apologised.

The smack of flesh hitting flesh reached Link's super-sensitive-Hylian-ears.

_Deserved it._

"Ahh!"and "Get him!" was heard from behind Link. He finally turned around to see Boromir being wrestled to the ground by the two 'things'.

"For the Shire!"

"Hold him! Hold him Merry!"

"He got my arm! He got my arm!"

Link smiled for the first time since he had started the journey.

"What is that?" the Fatso broke his thoughts. Link looked up to see a black cloud moving toward them. But he knew better...

"Nothing, it's just a whiff of cloud." the dwarf shrugged it off.

Link stirred. He got up and looked concerned.

"It's moving fast... against the wind." Boromir said.

Link suddenly had a revelation. "Keese!!" he called and bought his shield in front of him.

The rest of the Fellowship looked at him increduosly.

"Uhm... No... I believe it's Crebain from Dunland." Legolas said with a tone of contempt in his voice.

Aragorn came to his senses. "Hide!" he called.

"Merry! Frodo!"

"Come on, come on! Take cover!"

"Run!"

"_Now_ where's my book?"

"Oi! That's _my_ sword!"

"Hands **_off_** the merchandise!!"

"Get your own hidie-hole!"

Link dived beneath a rock, only to bump his head on a rack-sack already stashed under there.

_Great._

When the 'Crebain' had passed on, the Fellowship exited their holes.

"Spies of Saruman," Gandalf said. "The passage south is being watched."

_We can all see that, dimbo._

"We must take the pass of Caradhras." Gandalf continued and looked up a big. Snowy. Mountian.

_Oh, **hell** no! _

* * *

As the Fellowship climbed the snowy slopes of Caradhras, Frodo lost his footing and fell, rolling down the slope towards Link.

Link bent down and caught the little tyke before he rolled all the way down and they ended back at square one.

Frodo, without any gratitude Link noted, got up and brushed himself off. He felt inside his tunic and looked worried.

"Frodo?" Aragorn called from behind Link.

Frodo looked around on the ground for the ring. Link just tapped his foot, but not to much effect as the snow made no tapping sound.

Up ahead, Boromir bent down and picked up the ring. He looked at it in an expression of awe.

_It's a ring. Get. Over. It._

"Boromir." Aragorn snatched Boromir out of his reverie.

"It is a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing... such a little thing." Boromir reached out to touch the ring, but Aragorn snapped again;

"Boromir! Give the ring to Frodo."

Boromir walked toward Frodo. He hesitated.

"Give him the stupid ring, or I will be feeding your brain to the wolfos." Link snarled.

"As you wish. I care not." Boromir laughed half-hartedly.

Frodo grabbed the ring from him. Boromir jokingly tousled Frodo's hair then turned to resume climbing. Gandalf looked on suspiciously. Link released his grip from his sword.

_**This** is an uncomfortable silence..._

* * *

Link could not be more miserable if Ruto had a crush on him... wait... okay. So he was pretty miserable.

Nancy Pants was showing him up. Again. They were all plodding along slower than an athsmatic turtle and Nancy Pants was running on top of the snow! Link suspected he was even doing pirouettes when he wasn't looking. Which was most of the time.

'...Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya!...'

A voice could be heard floating with the freezing snow. Not even the Ice Cavern was this cold!

"There is a fell voice on the air." came Nancy Pant's voice.

_Duh. _

"It's Saruman!" Gandalf screamed to the Fellowship.

Everyone froze. Everyone except Link, that is.

"Look, I don't give a damn. All I want is to get out of this place! Who's idea was it to come here anyway...?

Link was cut off as he was dumped by a huge avalanche of snow.

Legolas stifled his laughter.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain! Gandalf, we must turn back!" Aragorn cried.

"No!" Gandalf retorted.

"Yes!!" Link's muffled scream was heard from under the snow.

"Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith!" Gandalf cried.

"...Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya; talhira notto-carinnar!..." the voice was heard, louder this time.

As soon as the words were uttered, lightning struck the top of the mountian. Link emerged from his snowy prison, only to get dumped by an even larger one.

Soon, all the Fellowship was out of the snow, and bracing themselves against the icy wind once more.

"We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!" cried Boromir, hen he chocked as a piece of snow flew into his mouth.

"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!"

"So?"

"Who cares?"

"Not me."

"Saruman will find us."

"Stop being a pessimist!"

"If we cannot pass over a mountain, let us go under it!" the dwarf called, "Let us go through the mines of Moria!"

He silenced them all.

"Let the ringbearer decide." Gandalf said to Frodo.

_Yeah, that's right. Dump all the responsibility on that dude. Real nice. _

"Frodo?"

"C'mon It's freezing!"

"I'm hungry."

"I need to go."

"You should have gone before we left!" came the cries and whisperings from the Fellowship.

"We will go through the mines." Frodo said.

"So be it."

* * *

**A/N:** Just another quick note, has anyone realised that in the scene where Saruman calles out the spell to bring down Caradhras, and you see him on Orthanc, Cristopher Lee has a bandage on his finger! He jammed it in a door and had to have a skin graft!

Owch.

ahem I'm fine.

Also, the Farewell to the Fellowship bit was in the Extended Edition DVD that I have. I didn't make it up. Well... obviously the bit about Link...

I need my medication.

See ya!


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

* * *

I am really sorry for not updating. I gave you an excuse last time, but I _finally_ fixed the stupid program and I didn't lose any of my work.!

does lil happy dance

Anyway, here is the next installment in our really weird saga. Plus, remember Bob...

* * *

Link trudged along the path that led to 'Moria'. He had never heard of the place, and now Gimli was giving him a full histroy, family tree and anthology of everything to do with anything about it.

They came atop a rise and saw a huge cliff. "The walls of Moria!" gasped Gimli.

They followed the lake that lapped the wall of Moria. It was slimy and a dull grey colour. Frodo slipped in and quickly recoiled.

They arrived at two holly trees and Gandalf stopped.

"Now, let's see. Ithildin -- it mirrors only starlight and moonlight."

The moon appeared and the doors shone with an ethereal light.

_Well, that was good timing._

"It reads 'The doors of Durin - Lord of Moria. Speak friend and enter.'" Gandalf said with pride at his language translation.

_Looks like a jumble of letters to me. Can't the elves write properly?_

"What do you suppose that means?" Merry asked.

"Oh it's quite simple. If you are a friend you speak the password and the doors will open." Gandalf said, "Annon Edhellen edro hi ammen!"

"What did he just say?" Link whispered to Aragorn.

"Gate of the Elves open now for me!" Aragorn whispered back. Link blinked. Aragorn obviously hadn't brushed his teeth.

The doors didn't budge. Gandalf pushed it with his staff.

"Damn." Gandalf muttered.

_**Five hours later...**_

They all lay seated around the iky lake as Gandalf cast spells, made explosions, cursed in all languages under the sun and banged his staff against the doors. "Ando Eldarinwa a lasta quettanya, Fenda Casarinwa!"

Link started to skip stones with the hobbits. He now knew they were hobbits as he had heard them talking.

"Do not disturb the water." Aragorn chastised.

"Oh, it's useless!" came a cry from Gandalf. "Edro! Edro! Edro!" he yelled.

Suddenly, Frodo spoke up, "It's a riddle."

_Well duh, we can all see that._

"Speak 'friend' and enter. What's the Elvish word for friend?"

"Mellon." Gandalf said.

The doors swung open with a creak. Gandalf laughed joyously.

Gimli boasted to Link again, "Soon master elf you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves."

"I'm not an elf."

"...Roaring fires, malt beer, ripe meat off the bone. This, my friend, is the home of my cousin Balin. And they call it a mine. A mine!"

Link stepped on something that went _crunch_.

"That didn't sound good..."

"This is no mine, it's a tomb!"

Link looked down to see a dead and decayed body lying on the floor.

"Eww!"

Gimli ran to all the dwarves, trying in vain to see if there were any relations.

"Goblins!"

"We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here."

_Ewww. _

Link's ears picked up something in the water behind them.

_Oh spoot..._

"Now get out, get out!"

Suddenly, Frodo's feet were pulled out from under him and he disappeared.

"Oh! Crud!" Link said as he saw a huge tentacle.

"Strider!" Sam called, trying to grab Frodo, "Get off him!" he yelled at the thing.

Link hacked and slashed at the water-dweller, but for every tentacle that disappeared, another four seemed to grow.

Frodo was screaming as he was hoisted up into the air by the thing.

The Hobbits called for Legolas and Strider.

Legolas came and shot the thing with precision aiming.

Determined not to be bettered by this nancy-pants, Link got out his bow from his pockets (where does he keep all that stuff anyway?) and started to shoot at it as well.

Boromir caught Frodo and they all ran into the mines, but not before Link gave the Watcher in the Water one final shot in the eye.

He turned to Legolas, who just shrugged and flicked his hair.

The Watcher in the Water pulled down the door, covering everyone in a fine layer of silt and bringing darkness upon the company.

"We now have but one choice. We must face the long dark of Moria." Gandalf said, "Be on your guard. There are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the world.

"Quietly now. It's a four-day journey to the other side. Let us hope that our presence may go unnoticed."

They traveled for four days before they reached the crossroads.

"I thought you said it was only four days." Link said to Gandalf. "Are you lost?"

"Ah... no! Of course not!" he said awkwardly.

"Thought so."

They waited whilst Gandalf pondered their route. Link saw a well nearby that he felt very tempted to push Boromir into.

"Are we lost?" Pippin asked.

"You only _just_ figured it out?" Link said sarcastically.

"Merry?" Pippin asked.

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

Link put his head in his hands.

"There's something down there." He heard Frodo say to Gandalf.

"It's Gollum." Came the reply.

Link tuned out from the conversation and focused all his attention on a spider that he named Bob that was crawling over his boot.

What? It seemed more interesting than anything around him.

"Ah! It's that way." Gandalf said.

"He's remembered!" one of the Hobbits said.

"No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down here. If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose."

"He's done that enough," Link whispered, remembering when Merry had 'followed his nose' right into Link's pack and special food he had stole... _borrowed_ from Elrond.

He picked up the spider and put it in a jar, just like he had done with the fish fairies and bugs in Hyrule.

They went down many passages and across a few bridges, until they entered a hall that seemed vaster than Desert Colossus.

"Behold the great realm of the dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf."

"Holy spootin' crud!" Link said in amazement.

Link walked over to a pillar and took a look at the markings. He tried to make them out. The rune that appeared most would have to be 'e' then the next would be 't'. He knew this because they were the most common letters in the alphabet.

When he turned around to ask Gimli what they meant, the Fellowship was gone.

"Guys?" He asked.

Link wandered the halls of Dwarrowdelf for a while, until he heard a huge crashing noise.

"I bet that's Pippin's fault." He muttered.

Then came the drums. Then the orcs.

Link had never seen anything so ugly in his entire life. He hid behind a pillar, hoping they wouldn't see him. But they seemed to be coming out of the woodwork! Or stonework. Whatever.

Thinking quickly, he pulled on the Stone Mask just before they reached him.

(a/n: yeah, I know that's in MM, but I couldn't resist! t'hee. Besides, this is a load of nonsense)

The orcs ran straight past him as if he wasn't there and went to a small room. They led a huge monster by a chain. It battered down the door and they flooded in.

Link pulled off the Stone Mask and got the Master Sword at the ready.

Suddenly, the Fellowship came tearing out of the room. They passed Link, who was standing still and shocked. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but he was grabbed by Legolas and dragged along, his feet trying to keep up with his body.

They became surrounded by orcs again, and Link couldn't reach his Mask as Legolas had his arm he used to get it in a vice-like grip so he couldn't run away again.

Without warning, the orcs dissipated, shrieking in fear.

They all turned to the end of the hall.

"What is this new devilry?"

"A Balrog- a demon of the ancient world."

Legolas froze in absolute terror.

"This foe is beyond any of you. Run!!!"

They tore down the hall and toward the exit. They ran down a flight of stairs, Boromir in the lead. He came to a sharp drop around one corner and teetered on the edge.

Legolas let go of Link and grabbed Boromir. The heavy Gondorian fell back on the elf, giving him a very sore rear for three days.

"Damn it, why did you have to catch 'im?"

Boromir and Legolas gave him a sardonic look and they continued down the stairs. They came to a gap.

Legolas jumped over first. Link followed. The Elven prince jumped farther than Link and he stuck out his tongue.

Link just gave him a confused look and helped Gandalf over.

Link suddenly felt an arrow brush the stone beneath him. He looked up to see orcs at a safe distance shooting at them.

Link grabbed his arrows and shot back, hitting a few and smiling as they dropped into the chasm beneath.

Merry, Pippin and Boromir all jumped over together, followed by Sam – tossed by Aragorn.

Gimli said something inaudible to Aragorn and jumped the gap. Almost.

Legolas grabbed the only thing he could get a hold of.

They all winced.

"Not the beard!"

The gap was now three times as big as it was in the first place, and Aragorn and Frodo were still on the other side.

_Just leave them._

The stairs started to crumble and the two leaned forward. This uneven distribution of weight caused the stairs to topple forward. It crashed into the Fellowship and they caught them. Aragorn blundered into Link, who stepped back in order to avoid the stinking man. Boromir caught him just before he overshot the stairs and went over the edge.

_Damn_.

"Over the bridge! Fly!" Gandalf yelled as they came to the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm.

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R&R Please! 


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